Feliz Cumpleanos A Ti, Y'all

Today, the hostess lady at a restaurant pointedly asked my mother if she needed a kid's menu for me.

If I were in a regular high school situation, I'd be a month from graduation. I can vote. I can join the military. I can get married without parental permission. Courts would try me as an adult. I can buy cigarettes.

And I need the kid's menu.

There is a great disparity between how old I am, how old I look, and how old I feel. All three are different, and how is one to know which to use?

I cannot go with how I look. I do not want to be 12, in 6th grade again, ordering off the kid's menu. (Though I'm not entirely opposed to the promise of crayons.) My dad loves to tease me about the various things that happen because people think I'm way younger than I am. The most infamous incident occurred at movie gallery, where some lady told us we should come back tomorrow because I could get my face painted and ride a pony. I wonder if she noticed who drove the car away. The twelve year old, obviously. No, I don't like looking like I'm 12 because I don't like being treated like I'm 12. I didn't like being treated like I was 12 when I was 12. Mom jokes about how I wouldn't go to bed, even when I was really little, until all the adults did. I hated not being treated as an equal, sidelined because I hadn't lived as long.

But I don't think the age my birth certificate claims is right either. I'm not 18. I haven't lived nearly enough to be 18. Sometimes I think age should be counted in experience, not years. I think I would be much younger if it did. The number would match me much more. I look at people my age and think they're so much older than me, even though they aren't. It's a very odd feeling.

So I'm left with how old I feel. The question is, how old do I feel? I'm somewhere in between. I'm not an adult, but I hate being treated as a little kid. I cannot stand being patronized. So what am I? Being a teenager isn't fun either. That age comes with a ton of baggage, and automatic stereotypes.

I always joke that my parents are eleven and twelve years old. Even though my mom turned 46 today, you would never be able to tell from the way she acts. I love that they pretty much disregard how old they're supposed to act Perhaps I'll just stay how old I feel right now forever. I guess the cliche is true. You're only as old as you feel.