I really don't think I'm asking a whole lot.
Ever since middle school, I have been thinking about how wonderful college will be. I am made to be at a university; I know it is where I belong. As a result, everything I've done and accomplished these past six years have been with one goal in mind. I want to go to college.
When I was afforded the opportunity to go to college in high school, I jumped at it. And it was sometimes everything I hoped it would be--intellectually challenging, diverse (more so than high school at least), and productive. As cheesy as it sounds, I grew as a writer, a thinker, and a person. I feel a million times more educated than I think I would have if I'd never stepped foot in college classroom. That is something that is hard to give up.
That makes it all the more frustrating now that my desire for college is getting in the way of admission to a university.
I wish there was a way to measure aptitude and desire that didn't require jumping through forty hoops and five acres worth of paper. I know I'm a competent person and I will succeed in the university setting. I have teachers and peers who agree. I have a transcript that shows responsibility and dedication. I know what I want to do and where I want to be. But all of that might be lost through technicalities, muffled by a seven-page application. I don't want to be silenced by bureaucracy.
I'm horribly frustrated and desperate. This is why I haven't been blogging lately. When I get this frustrated, the words just gum up inside me. A big pile of congealed, stunted writing. Is this what university is going to do to me?
Do I really want all of this after all?
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