Eggs in a Basket

I have been struggling lately, for the first time in a long time, about what I want I want to do for the rest of my life. It is no longer a distant thought, something hazy in the distance to work toward in tiny steps, a small talk question made by distant relatives. It is real and it is now and I need to figure some things out. I don't like jumping into anything without my head clear and certain, especially not something this important.

Lots of small inhibitions nag at my subconscious when I think of possible careers, and I've lost sight of the big pictures I think.

The big picture that's been most alluring as of late is teaching. But why?

There's something about teaching people to write that appeals to me. While there are always some people who just don't care to learn, there are others who have been robbed of the opportunity. There is the person that has a writer within them, but nobody's taken the time to bring him or her out. I want to bring the writers out.

Once the intimidation is gone and they get past the "I'm just not a writer phase" they begin to see the merits in it. Expressing yourself is not as easy as Madonna makes it seem; people simply never learn how to do it. It opens up a world to them, a deeper world that connects them to humanity in ways they didn't know existed.

I also like watching confidence build. I like helping people own their words, realize they have thoughts that matter and the ability to articulate them. I love when somebody starts tutoring scared, nervous, and unsure and starts coming smiling, proud, and anticipatory. They can't wait to show what they've accomplished. They're actually excited.

I feel like that's the most efficient and humanitarian thing I have the ability to do.

But is it at the compromise of my own writing? That is the last thing I am willing to give up. But I don't like putting all my eggs in the basket of me, my writing, my career hinging on my unproven abilities. I feel safer cultivating the abilities of others.

I know it wouldn't be such a stretch to do both, but it seems like I have to somehow choose which takes priority now. I've spent 18 years working on me. Maybe the best way to improve myself is to help improve others?

And I'm not even into a college yet.