Something Nice

A really long time ago, I used to go to Sunday school and Wednesday night youth every week with the same rag tag bunch of preteens. I actually kind of liked going, but we never really talked about anything churchy. We did some community service, and that was about the closest thing to a religious experience.

But we did have long "discussions" and I guess the leader, Tammy, was under the impression she was making a difference because us kids didn't talk so candidly to anyone else. While this was totally false, at least in my case, it created a weird sort movie-esque environment that wasn't a horribly bad experience. We even spent a day decorating the room so it would be "cooler." Some of the stuff we did in there still exists today, and it's still just as lame as it was then. But it's kind of nice seeing my handywork survive.

Anyway, one day during Sunday School, Tammy started to say something like "speaking of good deeds, I heard Samantha did something really good the other day" or something like that. Obviously this got my attention, because I wasn't aware of preforming any miracles lately.

But something distracted her and she never finished the story. There was never a spare moment to ask what I'd done, and I felt it slightly rude to demand her to tell me why I'm a good person.

So I never found out. Every time I saw Tammy after that, I wondered what she had been about to say. Such a mystery. I racked my brain trying to think of something that could be construed as a good deed, but not a single thing came to mind.

This is my strongest memory of that year of youth group. I think perhaps not knowing what I did was more powerful than actually knowing. It made me think "hey I did something nice without intending to, without thinking 'hey my youth leader will congratulate me on this later.'" That's the kind of good I'd like to be, unconscious and automatic.

That lesson was never taught in the brightly colored, glossy teen bible study pamphlets that were forever opened in front of us but never really read.