Another Letter

Dad,

You have to know this is ridiculous. You have to. I refuse to believe otherwise.

I'm obviously old enough to know parents aren't perfect, and I can see your faults clearly. But I shouldn't have to see them all at once, and they shouldn't be doing what they're doing to Mom right now. Or me. I don't care what twisted logic is going on in that head of yours; we don't deserve this.

I know you well enough to guess why you're so mad.

You think we're disappointing. We're cramping your style. We can't live up to your standards because we can all only hope to be as efficient and perfect as you are.

You know what you sound like? What you're acting like? A teenager.

I am a teenager, and I know this is stupid and immature. Nothing ever gets worked out by locking your bedroom door and blasting Simple Plan, but you're doing the grown man equivalent right now.

Maybe some of your problems are legitimate. Your mother is slowly dying, and you don't know how to deal with it. Well, it's killing me as much as it's killing you. I think about it all the time. Do you think I can deal with it on my own? Don't you think I need you? Don't you think you might need your family too?

Oh but we're just burdens now. Mom is fat, Zack can't do his homework, and I don't keep the kitchen clean enough for you. If those are really the worst problems you have, shouldn't you feel pretty freaking lucky?

I've been the easiest child to raise. I'm self-motivated, pretty self-sufficient. I'm going to one of the best universities in the state. I respect my parents; I love my brother. I would do anything for any of you. I've never caused a bit of trouble. I don't deserve to be shut out.

I used to attribute a lot of my success to you, but I have to rethink that. It scares me because I'm so much like you, but I never want to be this version of you. I don't want to hurt people who I supposedly love because I'm vain and selfish.

The worst part is you'll never understand why this hurts me so much. You'll never understand that you're wrong. Everything you're doing is wrong. You'd probably think I'm silly, over-reacting. Nobody can be right because you're right. Always.

Well, you're not. I'm already losing my grandmother sooner than I'd thought. Please don't make me lose you too, because I don't think I can deal with that. I will always love you, but I don't always have to respect you. Respect is earned, even from children.

My whole world is changing in a few months. I need something to be the same, concrete, dependable. The one thing I thought I could always depend on, my father, suddenly isn't so dependable. That just isn't fair to me.

I didn't do anything wrong. I don't deserve this. Please stop.

Samantha