Anatomy of a Snow Day

8:30-9:30ish

Awaken, realize the freakish brightness that surrounds. Glance at clock. Notice the lateness of the hour. Panic, afraid alarm didn't go off. Glance out window. Notice the blankety whiteness that is your front yard. Relax a bit. Check caller ID for school closing number. See it, fall instantly back asleep.

11:00ish

Awaken, panic again. Recover more quickly this time. Flop out of bed and examine the snow outside. Go downstairs. Nod at obligatory "Thought you were going to sleep all day" joke. Ignore brother begging you go sledding with him until you reach some level of food intake.

12:00ish

Finally give into brother. Dig around in closet for suitable snow suit substitutes. Come out with pair of leggings still sporting a tag, ancient sweatpants that probably once belonged to a distant relative and are three sizes too large, and those throw-away pants worn before basketball games. Put these on and rummage for a waterproof coat. Find one, but realize the zipper is missing. Borrow mother's coat. Rummage for boots. Freakish foot doesn't fit in boots. Wear father's boots, also three sizes too large, with malfunctioning laces. Even three pairs of socks do not make walking easier. Find pair of gloves that mom doesn't care if you "ruin." By using them. What they were made for by three-fingered orphans. Go figure.

1:00ish

Fall/waddle down the basement steps. Locate sleds under three tons of miscellaneous holiday paraphernalia. Pull sled out while the Halloween tree (not spotted in public since 1996) falls on head. Attempt to drag sleds to door while brother stands impatiently and uselessly to the side. Fight annoying basement door lock. Door will not open due to snow drift on other side. Drag sleds upstairs, alone, and through the dining room, ignoring Mother's pleas not to track up the floor, even though no contact with the outdoors has been made. Finally end up in yard with sleds and brother and partial sanity.

1:30ish

Spend time sledding guiltlessly because that is what snow days are for. It has snow in the title.
Dodge snowballs aimed for face from brother. Drag brother back up hill when he's "tired." Feet begin to exhibit signs of frost bite due to lack of fitting and lack of being able to tie shoes wearing gloves. Finally go inside.

3:30ish

Come inside. Stand freezing in laundry room until you're satisfactorily clean to enter the living space, as deemed by mother. Attempt to change out of wet clothes. Eventually have dry ones, but still feel slightly damp. But it's warm and happy.

4:00ish

Feel like you should utilize opportunity to catch up on schoolwork. Find marathon on tv. Ignore homework.

7:00ish

Realize that you might have to attend school the next day and run to the window in panic to check the weather status. Reach no conclusion. Check weather.com. Talk yourself into believing another blizzard is impending. Get on facebook.

9:00ish

Realize once more you might have to go to school. Open homework books and get a pencil. Somebody IMs you.

10:00ish

Now you really must do the homework. But you really don't want to. Stare it idly.

10:30ish

Check weather reports again.

11:30ish

Head to bed. You'll just pray for at least a two-hour delay. Or maybe the homework will magically do itself. Or maybe nobody else did it and you'll get away with it.

7:00ish next morning

Alarm clock goes off. Look outside. Look at tv. Wait for your school to come up in the glorious closing rotation. Exclaim in happiness at "two-hour delay." Go back to sleep.

10:00

Arrive at school, homework incomplete, looking to the sky, praying for snow.